What if I said yes?

I've noticed over the last few months as I talked about our new season in foster care, the one of rest and no.I've caught myself saying, well I only have 3 kids in my home and each one of them belongs to me.As those three don't matter or qualify.I know they do so please hear my heart, but as I say those words shame rushes in.

The season of juggling multiple foster kids, bio visits and therapy have stopped and it's not because of COVID as you might think

The reality is we're in a season of rest and no so if I were to say yes when the phone rang I wouldn't be honoring our season and the growth in that.

What if you said yes just to say yes, knowing you weren't supposed to?

Sometimes as foster parents we are so willing and wanting to say yes to each kid we get a call for ignoring our gut, those feelings that protect you.

So let me get real with you on how shame will try to sneak in and steal your journey:

Saying NO to a placement

You guys I hope you can truly understand the importance of saying no.Setting boundaries for yourself and your family.If your gut is screaming to you to say no, or you feel nudged to say I need time to think about this placement THAT IS FINE.

Let me remind you of a story.When they called us for Dominik we were heading out of town for the weekend so I told our certifier to contact me on Monday if he still needed to be placed.He was a baby and so I knew not saying yes then we would not get him as a placement you guys everyone wants a baby.Also can we talk about our rule was no babies yet they kept calling me for babies and this was the 1^st one I wanted to say yes to.After returning from our trip I did not hear from the state that Monday so I was a little sad and figured the next one, but Tuesday…..yep Tuesday we got the call to come and pick him up.

If you say yes just to say yes you're not honoring your journey HIS plans.

I only have one placement verse Karen who has 8

Look being vulnerable here…this is something I struggle with and have to remind myself of why my yes looks different then Karen's.Each one of our yeses is important to the kids in our home.

Right now were in a season of rebuilding, rest, growth and support.My yes is allowing space for our family to rebuild after adoption.My yes is allowing space for my bios to grow and enjoy their journey.My yes allows me to serve others, to help educate and support those on a different journey.My yes is allowing Dominik to enjoy a childhood that was once not his to control.

Understanding that quality of the journey we can provide to those we are saying yes to whether that is the kids in care or the ones in your home is more important than quantity.When you're saying yes just to keep up with Karen or because of shame you're not truly honoring your journey and in honesty you're setting yourself up for failure.

Saying yes to kids in care with always come with shame.The shame of NO, the shame of bio relations not being good, the shame of disruption, the shame of losing your temper.

Hello when you're trying to change the battle plan for HIM ultimately HIS enemy will be waiting around every corner to try to remove you and the easiest way to tell you you're not good enough is to constantly repeat the message of shame.

So right here, right now I'm helping you break those chains and starting the conversation.

You are not alone and you cannot let shame steal your journey.

Speak up, Speak out, take those thoughts captive because when you do that shame is lost and your journey is honored.This doesn't mean it's not painful and you won't have to address those hurts it's just allowing space to heal and grow.