Have you ever read or heard something that makes you preach out loud.

Like your sitting in the quiet and all of a sudden you hear yourself saying out loud……





There’s a passage in the book It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way by Lysa Terkeust that send chills through my body every time I read it and reignites my desire of purpose in this world and reminds me of the word God gave me at the beginning of this year INTENTIONAL.  I started to read this book at the end of last year and right after our son was removed I had that nudge to pick it up and turn to this section not really remembering the words that had been written.

Why the destruction and devastation marched into your life?  No, you’ll never know those answers.  But trust Me-it wouldn’t make anything better even if you did have those answers.  It just wouldn’t.  I’ve not kept those answers from you as a cruel exercise of My power.  I’ve kept those answers, because only I can bear the weight of them.

“You live in a broken world where broken things happen.  In a sin-soaked world horrible things happen.  They just do.  And you will hurt deeply because of these things.  You, dear girl, will also watch others hurt.

“You will hear human answers that try to tie bows around the big blows of life.  These sound good in a sermon but never hold up in real life.  And that’s when you will see what a gift it is that you’ve been entrusted with enough hurt to keep you humane.


You’ll offer the only real answer available: ‘The Lord helped me survive and he’ll help you too.  I’ll hold your hand a while you find your way to Him.’

“You won’t know why this and that are happening.  But there is a part of the why you will come to know.  Look around, and you will see the part of why I do want you to know.  You’ll find it in the eyes of every human you brush up against or bump into or barrel over or dare to embrace.  In their eyes will be a secret sorrow, a deep wound, a scared child.  You were made to connect with that person.  Really connect.  But you’ll never ever connect with your perfections and performance.

Yep insert my eyes looking up and saying yep I see you Lord I see what you’re speaking to me in this moment.

All that’s slick and shiny about you repels them or scares them or makes them shrink back.  But your tears?  Oh, they are liquid magnets drawing others in.  They are a river of reality.  A healing for hurts.  A bonding for brokenness.

“You see, it’s through your tears that people are united.  It’s what makes you a safe person to others when you whisper, ‘Me too.”

“You won’t have to bring them answers.  Just bring them peaceful presence.  And right then and there your heart will feel like it could just explode with joy that you have imperfections.  They’ll invite you to stay when they realize you haven’t skipped through life untouched by failures and faults and being made to feel fragile by others.

“Perfection intimidates.  Compassion inspires.  And in that you will finally find the why.  Why did this happen?  Because there’s someone else in the world who would drown in their own tears if not for seeing yours.  And when you make one other human simply see they aren’t alone, you make the world a better place.

You guys I can’t preach enough YES to this message.  Here’s what you need to know.  For years I have heard people say to me “You are so strong”, “You carry strength in ways I could never imagine”, “When I think of you I think strong”.

You guys I need you to know in those same moments you give praise in my head I struggle.  The strength you see was a way to cope with trauma and those that truly know me know what I’m talking about.  For years I was told not to cry so for years I did not.  I remember the 1st time I cried in front of my husband after years of being married and years of me not breaking down that 1st time he froze like a deer in headlights.

This message that Lysa shares I see that I see that for years we have been told to be a certain way and when we break that when we break the norm of what people expect from you it starts to allow them to see other things.  So the people that covered me in words of strength when they finally were able to see me in my vulnerable they saw something different they saw that while for years I have had passion but being vulnerable to each other is something completely different.

For years my perfectionist to please others was always at the front it spoke into my passions and desires and would slowly put out my fires and have me move to the background of my desires.  In that moment we lost our son I turned to social media.  Not because I wanted you to feel sorry for me but because I wanted people to see the other side.  The other side of a strong women breaking.  The other side of what thousands of other foster parents go through daily.  The loss of a child we have come to love.  The hole of closure never truly being closed.

In this passage were reminded we as humans may never fully understand and that each lesson has a purpose and that purpose may never make sense to you but sometimes the lessons we walk through are about being a vessel of strength in your weakness about what others may need to set hearts free, tyrants kneel and walls fall down. 

I’ve learned through this walk I’m being watched, I’m not alone and that if I want to see change in the world out there it has to start right here.  Being vulnerable when the world says its weakness, being a pillar of strength that shows you weakness will help you build that pillar or at least it will give others permission to fall apart and let HIM put you back together.