Today you came into this world. 

Today is your birthday buddy. 

Today is the day you made both of us mommies.  For her you are her first, but my third.  You were her unplanned moment in time but you were our surprise gift from God.


I can’t help but wonder about the day you were born. 

Did you come into this world fierce and fast just as you are today?

How much did you weight?

How long were you?

Did her choices then, will they affect your forever?

On this day we celebrate yes the day you were born but we also celebrate just the gift you are to this world and our family.  We celebrate your victories.  The brave boy that never asked for his story not to begin like Once Upon A Time but will end Happily Ever After.

As I decorate your bed for when you wake I think of her.  I find myself tearing up as I talk to her as I pray over her……

I thank you A.  I thank you for loving your boy so much that you know what’s best.  I can’t imagine your battle the one that says you must step up and yet the one inside you that says I’m broken.  I know you love him but just have not been able to do what’s best for him in the now.  Know that were thankful for the gift you have given us.  Know I will always honor you and protect your brokenness.

Here’s something you might not hear.  Something you probably neglect telling yourself, and something I must be certain not to neglect telling you:

God didn’t mean for it to be this way for you.

God meant for your hug to be the one that welcomes him after school.

God meant for your loving hands to be the ones that wipe his tears and soothe his boo-boos.

God meant for your voice to pray over him at bedtime and for your lips to graze his forehead as you whisper, “Good night. I love you.”

God meant for your face to be the one that greets him on Mothers’ Day morning and his birthday morning and Christmas morning…and every morning in between.

But the thing is, reality on this sin-infested planet often falls short of God’s intentions, doesn’t it?

And we pay the price.

You might not understand my statement that “we pay the price.” Your price is certainly high. How your heart must ache for what you’re missing!

For who you’re missing.

But I want you to know that my heart aches, too. My heart aches for you, even as I’m enjoying what you’re missing.

I ask God to fiercely love you and guide you and mend your brokenness. 

My mind then wanders to him.  Your daddy in heaven.  I’ve never met him but I get to know him through you baby boy.  I get to sit with you in your quiet moments when you talk about Daddy D and how he’s in heaven and I tear up as I picture him on the right hand of God looking down on us saying YES them.  They are the ones that will LOVE him, CARE for him and be his forever.  I thank him in those moments and in many more.  On the rough days I talk to him I let him know how I feel I’m failing you and I see him smiling and simply reminding me you’re HIS and our job is just to LOVE you in those moments.

I was not in that room the day you came into this world but I will remember the 1st day I held you.  In that moment I looked at you and knew in my heart of hearts we would be your forever.  In that moment you filled me with a love I as a human could never imagine giving to another.

So today on your birthday I celebrate the pages that HE has written in our story.  This sense of knowing just a little more of what HE feels for us and the GIFTS we never imagined receiving.